dependence

alexander-dummer-117513

Watching a toddler’s routine is something like a flashback of our own lives. They have their own problems that sometimes resemble with our problems. I am getting an opportunity to see my nephew’s daily routine for the last two days. He enjoys walking a lot holding one hand of his mother as he has his own fears of not being able to walk on his own.

Today seemed to be a rough day for him. Her mother had refused to hold his hand. She left him standing in the middle of the room with nothing to take support from and went five feet away from him. She told him to walk towards her. He was out of his comfort zone then.

He made faces, trying to persuade her to come and hold her hand. He tried to stretch his tiny hand as far as he could and made faces again and again. She had taken a firm stand not to be moved by his cute requests, she kept asking him to come to him.

Once he was sure that if he wanted to be with her he had to walk towards her. There came his first independent move, carefully looking his tiny legs taking tiny steps towards his mother. The second, the third and he reached towards her mother laughing and grabbing her tightly in his arms. He had gained a much needed confidence today that he need no one to hold him in this journey of growth.

Sometimes we are like these toddlers, thinking that we need someone always to hold our hand to learn and to grow. In other words, we undergo an unfortunate transition from constructive dependence on our closed ones to destructive overdependence on anyone and everyone.

As they say, every choice has its consequence, this destructive overdependence makes us vulnerable to people unlike the mother, instead of taking hard stands, make us believe we need them always if we want to learn and grow. In the disguise of them being the well-wishers, all that is done is fulfilment of their ulterior motives in the name of care, love and support.

Live your fears to win over your fears, the moment you start doing it, you don’t have to stick the poster in your room that reads, “I don’t want to survive, I want to live” nor do you need the so called well-wishers who only confirm your fears to be everlasting without them…

And by chance if you are lucky enough to have someone playing the Mother, unmoved by your faces, hold on to them… 😉